a birth story, the beginning

Where and how to begin. We found out we were expecting our third blessing back in September. We decided to keep it quiet, and let Alynna celebrate her first birthday in October. Fast forward through several months of phone calls, messages, referrals, etc. and after calling every doctor and hospital within a 50+ mile radius, I was still facing a repeat c-section, which would be my third. I could not bear the thought, and even now I have a physical reaction just saying those words. I began to find some hope in talking with people about homebirth, specifically homebirth after cesarean, commonly referred to as HBAC. I was given the name of one midwife from several different sources, and I would stare at the name and number, phone in hand, several times. I just couldn't get myself to do it, so I emailed. We did eventually talk on the phone and she was wonderful, and was the first person to offer me the opportunity to have this baby naturally, at home. (I believe she is only one of two in the state willing to take on HBA2C clients.) Wow, really, this homebirth thing again? Is that the only option? Homebirth was definitely not something I was at all familiar with, so I hesitated yet again. I had been dragging one of my oldest, dearest friends through this crucial decision making process with me via phone conversations, when she finally knew to ask me the tough questions. "Michelle, do you see yourself going in to the hospital to have your baby cut out of you for the third time?" My response: "I would rather walk outside and birth this baby under a bush before I willingly sign myself up for another c-section knowing both baby and I are perfectly healthy." Well, there you have it, the decision was made, and the appointment was set. Josh was still understandably on the fence (and frankly I was still hanging onto it too) because homebirth isn't a decision you come to only because you have no other options, is it? Well, indeed it was and I am so grateful I was 'forced' to look into it further. But on the way to the first appointment I cried most of the 45 minute drive because I could see clearly where Josh stood on the subject, and I hated that it seemed that our appointment was simply going to be a waste of the midwife's precious time. But something changed during our magical time in her office. There we were, kids playing perfectly at our feet, Josh and I asking question after question and pouring out part of our heart and soul in the process to two of the most patient, informed, and skilled women I have ever met - the midwife and her student in training. I cried on the way home, too, because I knew we had found our answer. But what would our families think? Scratch that, what would MY DAD think? How do you explain that you just know deep down with every fiber of your being that this is what is right for you and your family? Especially when everything out there seems to be so far in the opposite direction, leading others to question our sanity for even exploring such a thing. Sure, we did our own research and tried to share our findings, but these are not matters where you can meet people in the middle. Our scientific selves interpreted the data, and it was clear that a natural childbirth after two cesareans was the much safer option for me versus a repeat (elective - funny they call it that even though they leave you no other options) cesarean. Sure, my previous c-sections were fine (minus the anesthesia wearing off during the surgery incident) and my recovery was great all things considered. But I honestly just felt like I was playing Russian Roulette signing up for a third. There had to be a better way, and we stumbled upon it. I can only say that we knew God was paving this path for us because everything just fell into place. A team was assembled, almost too easily, and we knew that God had brought us all together for a purpose, this purpose, a child to be born, a small miracle, our miracle. So began the journey.